The "After".........

In a few moments of unusual candor, Superwoman and I recently had a conversation about "after."  I needed to be reassured that she would be okay.  Tears flowed and long hugs were heartfelt and tight.  We/I talked frankly about how lucky I was to have had time to prepare for the inevitable while I still had my faculties.  How much worse it would have been had I been killed in a car crash or had a sudden debilitating stroke.  I said, with certainty, that my current physical condition and state of mind would not have allowed me to prepare for the "after" the way I have.

It gives me a great feeling of peace knowing my wife will be fine.

Our conversation meandered around to the type of man I had been.  I was humbled to silence when she shared a conversation she had with a friend.  She explained to the friend that I was always "doing things" for her.  Random acts of thoughtfulness.  The friend told her it was a reflection of the type of man I was and how I had been raised.  Her friend said, "You can tell he's not doing it just to impress you."

I remained silent with pride but the truth is, nearly everything I have accomplished in life, professionally, as a husband, and as a father was motivated by my desire to impress her.  Even now, the courage I muster to get through these remaining trying days comes from my hope that she will, in the "after," think well of me.

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1989