Monday, June 28, 2010

Lost My Flair......

There are things that have slowly, at almost imperceptible speeds, left my life.

My handwriting was never flamboyant or even beautiful, but it was mine. There was a flair to my signature that tended to express my somewhat outgoing personality.

It seems that as my right side fine motor skills deteriorated, the first thing to go was the "flair." I believe my personality began to lose its flair too.

Now I cannot write. Rather I draw letters and it takes a concentrated effort to do that. It also takes a concentrated effort during social interactions to carry on a conversation. No longer able to casually emphasize words with body language is constricting and distracting.

I am certain people subconsciously pickup my stiff body language as me being disinterested in what they have to say. This leads to only superficial conversations.

That is the thing I have lost that I miss the most. Real in-depth conversation containing pats on the back, handshakes, a punch in the arm, a hug, or any physical contact.

I'm sure it's my fault. I've lost my flair.


On a happier note:
As summer ends, I thought it appropriate to photograph some of the suns we've brought back from our many trips to Mexico that adorn the exterior walls that line our deck. Superwoman will be upset that I didn't wash them first.

Create your own video slideshow at

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Batteries are low......

I haven't added any posts to this blog for weeks now. Not a day goes by that I don't think of something I should write about but by the time I have time the inspiration has passed. In truth, that is basically my current situation in a nutshell.

Finding the motivation to accomplish tasks, even small ones, is becoming increasingly difficult. What's the point? Mind you, I don't have a problem doing things that benefit, or will benefit, others, but it just hard to justify self improvement.

I mean I still go to work daily and am still very productive, but I have no interest in attending a motivational seminar that will "insure years of personal gratification through improved people management skills." There was a time when I loved those things and always walked away with my batteries recharged. I haven't had my "batteries" boosted for a while now and frankly can't name a thing that I believe could do it.

Maybe drugs. As a child of the 60s and 70s that was always an option. It's been a long long time since I've had the "munchies." Too long!


Thursday, June 3, 2010

"Speaking" the Truth....

I am afraid to speak the words. It's as if I avoid saying, "I'm losing my ability to verbalize my thoughts," then it won't be true. But it is.

For as long as I can remember I've been a bit talkative. Spoken language has been my friend, my shield, and my weapon. My verbal skills are the rocks I have built my career upon.

I was not always sure I would be able whip you in a fight but I was almost always sure I could convince you that fighting me was not a good idea.

Slowly, ever so slowly I am becoming aware of a slowing in my speech. As the tremble in my little finger has digressed to my inability to write, do does the tremble in my lips lead me to believe I will soon go silent.

The insidious nature of my malady is such that I never notice the day to day deterioration. Some days are better than others, but the day that was a bad day three months ago is now a good day.