Today is the day! The two year suicide exemption date has passed on a life insurance policy I bought shortly after I was diagnosed with CBGD.
I am not checking out soon but knowing I can (financially) is a great burden lifted.
The thought(s) of my family being burdened with the weight of my care is more than I can handle. Hopefully, I will have the will, the courage, and the resources to spare them.
Selfishly perhaps, I also would like to end life with a smile on my face and a sliver of dignity left.
The real trick is going to be having the wisdom to see when the time is right. I have more to accomplish!
You know, saying "congratulations" just seems wrong - but I totally relate to the sense of existential liberation a person feels about the ability to control at least ONE thing in his/her life. Of course, I've been institutionalized for understanding the suicide thing a little too well.
ReplyDeleteI trust your wisdom, friend.
PENolan,
ReplyDelete*snicker* I can understand your reluctance to congratulate me, but I assure you that I accept them with a smile. Thank you.
Here's to Existential Liberation ;)
ReplyDeleteCheers
Well, that's one hell of a milestone.
ReplyDeleteI've often spouted off about how I'd manage the end game. But I realize that's a lot of BS until I'm there with all the intricacies.
I hope you do have more to accomplish yet that you and your family will have a meeting of the minds when that needs to happen.
PENolan,
ReplyDelete"I think, therefore I am" proves only that I exist. I think you into my reality. Will you exist once I'm gone. (heh-heh, that would be brilliant on weed).
Bibliotekaren,
The dialogue has begun.
Well, CW... I can't even begin to understand where you are, where you've been, or where you're headed... but I DO understand ONE thing... YOU BETTER!!! All I 'hear' you talk about is where you've been and where you are, but NOTHING of where you're goin'!!! I do hope you KNOW that you KNOW that you KNOW EXACTLY where that is, because I know that ETERNITY's a VERY VERY VERY LONG TIME!! (hey, that makes TWO things I know!) :)
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you and your precious SUPERwife EVERY DAY!!
hi cw.can u tell me if u can walk.u have good use of ur hands to write ur blog.my sister cant read cause everything is muddled.she cant write and letters mean nothing to her.she has all her faculties and can walk but told me her legs are starting to go numb and if she bends down she has to gt up quick or she might not get up is this how it goes?what are ur ideas on the use of cinnamon?did u find anything that helped?thank u and take care
ReplyDeletehey bob,,,i just don't know what to say to your latest posting..so i will say just keep on blogging and sharing your insights with us..you are here for many good reasons and your time is not up yet, i believe this disease is very slow progressing in Kel and it may be for you too , so many years left to be part of your family. I am bringing kel to mayo in march for the research program we agreed to last year, so he'll have retesting and new mri done. I really enjoyed your cozumel video, fun fun fun. stay strong ,karla
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that I am thinking of you...
ReplyDeleteYou say that you cannot bear the idea of burdening your family with your care. I am a full time caretaker for my mother now. She is totally paralyzed. It is NOT a burden to take care of the mother I love so deeply. It is a privilege, an honor, a solemn act of love. And it has prepared me to accept her death with not just sadness, but a measure of joy, in that I believe she will go to the next phase of life...the eternal one. Only with a body that is not limited. But do not feel you will burden your loved ones. It is the love that causes you to not be a burden. it is difficult, I won't lie. But I am so very glad I have been able to give back to her, help her, support her in this journey called CBGD. She is not alone and I have her back, just as she always had mine.
ReplyDelete