Not too awfully long ago, an old friend of mine stumbled across this photo in her high school yearbook. That's me in the Chino track jersey leading in the two-mile run against her school.
Note the taped-up track shoes. We didn't have much money back then, but it never kept me from winning races. I won a lot of them too. Not because I enjoyed winning, but because I could NOT stand to lose. EVER!
That attitude served me well in most aspects of life but did not necessarily bring me joy. You see, winning was not joyful but a relief. A relief that I had not lost.
In my early professional life, managing a retail store, I competed vigorously to maintain top sales until I was promoted to General Manager. Then the competition became the goals and quotas I set.
I never understood how runners, salesmen, and managers could accept second place so easily. I could not grasp how week in and week out runners would line up, to run the race, with no hope of winning. I still don't get it.
Now, as my body fails me, the victories are few and far between. I feel no joy when "winning" means I was able to carry a sack of groceries from the car and navigate opening the door to the kitchen. There is no joy in that. There is only relief. Relief because soon, very soon, I am going drop that sack of groceries and I will lose.
I will NEVER be the runner with no hope of winning. I will hang up my taped-up shoes and die.
When you know Jesus, there's NEVER "no hope of winning"! Keep your tape CW!! The best is yet to come! :)
ReplyDeleteFirst of all you are an excellent writer.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I have been working on "good enough" lately. I've always hated "good enough." I'd rather flag a test with style than get a C. Luke warm. . . . yuck.
But lately I've discovered that if I accept good enough or even crappy I might have enough energy left to be brilliant in something that matters more to me.
I'm no where near wise enough to tell someone else how to live. I'm just stumbling (literally) along myself. But evidently I needed to learn something about "good enough" so I'm getting practice now.
I think I'm supposed to be learning something about the M word, moderation, too, but hey, one bad word at a time.
For what it's worth, I think you are winning in ways you may not even recognize.
Bob,
ReplyDeleteChecking in -- sorry I've been absent from your blog. Your post made me think of this scripture from Hebrews.
Hebrews 12:1-3 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
There's an old song that says "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of this world will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace." Our race was never about our winning. It was about Him winning us over. Praying for you today.
You have fought the good fight and provided for your wife and family. Rest.
Bob, I have it too and have done alot of research. One reversible thing that can make you feel better is treating (if you have it) elevated ammonia levels in your blood. My Mayo neurologist tested me and found a borderline elevation this spring. By August, it had gone up 20 pts and my speech was getting worse, I was down, and I had no energy. Some people become very agitated or very drowsy at higher levels. Simple treatment with Lactalose. Good luck. Sharon
ReplyDeleteBob, I have it too and have done alot of research. One reversible thing that can make you feel better is treating (if you have it) elevated ammonia levels in your blood. My Mayo neurologist tested me and found a borderline elevation this spring. By August, it had gone up 20 pts and my speech was getting worse, I was down, and I had no energy. Some people become very agitated or very drowsy at higher levels. Simple treatment with Lactalose. Good luck. Sharon
ReplyDelete