Monday, July 27, 2009

End of Perks....

Running a multi-million dollar company has its perks. Most of these perks are supplied by product vendors. I have toured Italy and central Europe on someone else's dime. Rarely a week goes by without someone wanting to take me to lunch at some nice eatery. Then there are the golf tournaments where every team wins prizes. NBA tickets, concerts, and formal balls are always in the mix.
Pau Gasol and my bride.
I've learned to eat left handed fairly well but recently, at lunch, someone ask me if I was on some kind of medication.
I'm not on any medication. There goes the lunch perk.

My ilness has caused me to become anti-social. At first I tried to hide it. Now I just try to hide.



  1. Don't hide. You are brave and have a lesson to teach us all.

  2. Man that's gotta be tough to deal with. I know I could probably go back and read your posts to figure it out, but it would be nice if you could possibly tell me what illness you have?

  3. I agree with The Peach Tart. Don't hide. There's probably not much you can do to stop someone from noticing your limitations, but it would be wrong to let that turn you into a hermit.

    I don't pretend to know how it would feel to face the world in that situation, but I hope you have it in you to do it.

  4. Tart,
    I basically even hide my blog. My wife knows about it, but my parents and kids don't. I don't want the additional drama. The blogosphere offers a somewhat anonymous outlet, so prepare to share my trip.

    Mr. C,
    The first few paragraphs of this link pretty well defines my illness.

    You're right. I shouldn't hide but it is actually a symptom of the illness. It's ironic that my illness is attacking my strengths rather than my weaknesses. Sometimes I feel like such a wimp for not steeling myself against the tide but the very act of getting worked up about it worsens the symptoms. Thanks for the encouragement.

  5. As you know, my mom has CBGD, and she continues to laugh daily, even though she's at the end. The nurses on her wing come in to sit with her because she's bright, has a lot to offer, and she laughs all the time. The anger at her loss of control is gone, and she's in good spirits.

    Please don't retreat. We all get hurt by people's stray comments, even without a disease!

  6. Anne,
    I'm very, very glad to hear your Mom has reached a good place in her outlook. I have a lot of hurdles to jump before reaching peace.

    I'm not down all the time. I tend to share my bad moments (or days) on my blog to spare my family. Thanks for being there to listen.

  7. I've had a look at the link that you gave to Mr Condescending and really, i think you're a very brave man.

    I suppose you must have your ups and downs, but your struggle is really admirable, especially concerning parents and kids. I guess they're the main reason why you want to hide. In the long run, they will be your best shelter and support.

  8. The offer is still open. I can help you fight this disease.

  9. By the way, make sure you get your wife on the Yahoo CBGD_support or PSPinformation discussion groups. This journey you are on is not always a smooth slide down a hillside. It can be a series of cliffs. She will need the support of other caretakers.

  10. Read the first....and continued to read them all...outstanding person you are...never stop writing, you can't's hope. Sending you honks from NYC, Great blog, and you are a great person to share such demons with us.


  11. King of NYC,
    Thanks for the kudos. I promise to try to keep the blog going 'til the end.

    By the way....I Love NYC. Everyone should visit (and spend some money) at least once.

  12. Hello Mr Cortico

    I just read this poem which made me think of you. It was written by German poet and playwriter Heiner Müller (1929-1995) in the year of his death. As I do not know your command of the German language, I've tried a translation.

    Neuerdings wenn ich etwas aufschreiben will
    Einen Satz ein Gedicht eine Weisheit
    Sträubt meine Hand sich gegen den Schreibzwang
    Dem mein Kopf sie unterwerfen will
    Die Schrift wird unlesbar Nur die Schreibmaschine
    Hält mich noch aus dem Abgrund dem Schweigen
    Das der Protagonist meiner Zukunft ist

    Lately when I want to write something down
    A sentence a poem some wisdom
    My hand resists the compulsion to write
    To which my head wants to subject it
    My writing becomes illegible Only the typrewriter
    Holds me back from the abyss the silence
    Which is the protagonist of my future

    Take care


  13. Bamram,
    WOW! I've never seen this piece. I certainly could never have said it any better. Another Muller poem I'm familiar with goes:

    "Something eats at me

    I smoke too much
    I drink too much

    I die too slowly"

    (I don't smoke) :-)

  14. I loved the poem, too. Another great post. I so admire Anne's mom but I'm not sure I could be that way at first either. She has a fabulous point about people wanting to spend time with her mother because of her joyous outlook illness or no illness. Love your courage and your fabulous writing.

  15. Happy Hour, (my favorite three hours of the day, by the way)

    It is truly difficult to suspend reality and find happiness despite my condition. I hope I can reach Anne's Mom's state of mind some day.



I read ALL comments right after they're posted. I may fail to respond, but please know your input is appreciated.