Thursday, July 16, 2009

Spray or Not to Spray......

My tomato/flower garden is coming along nicely despite my late season start. Sunflowers are shooting up and the zinnias are blooming.

I use jute string to tie up the plants to prevent storm damage and help the tomato plants support the weight of the fruit. There are certain things that just have to be done with two hands and tying up tomatoes is one of them. I can do it but it takes concentration for my right hand to work and even then sometimes it jumps from position to position. I can't carry a cup of coffee in my right hand anymore. Well, I can but it's messy (and painful).

My condition casts such a cloud over my outlook on life. The distant future is so bleak and causes such dilemmas. My work is fairly rewarding and gives a momentary meaning to my life, but my hobbies and interests all included physical activity or required at least some dexterity.

I'd love to be "the guy" that faces all this courageously and finds meaning in the fight. I DO put up a facade to my parents and children and try to with my wife (but she reads my blog).

How do I find JOY under my present circumstances?

I fear I can no longer hide my condition from business associates. I can see the look in their eyes. They know something's not right. I was too vigorously active in the past. Two years ago I played 18 holes of golf in the morning and biked 55 miles in the afternoon. Now I can't even putt and riding my bike would be suicide.

Two days ago I found a caterpillar on a tomato plant that was the size of my pinky (finger!). I picked him off and looked at the minor damage he had done. I can spray the plants to kill any others or try to manually find each critter. If I do it manually I'll surely miss some, leading to more damage. If I spray, the plants don't seem as healthy but there won't be any further bug damage.

All I need! Another dilemma in my life. At least I have a hobby.


  1. You're still plugging along. Living life. That seems courageous enough to me.

    Also, I have a Topsy-Turvey. Shameful, I know, but the plant is HUGE!

  2. You're a very courageous man, indeed.

    To try to keep this façade is really admirable, but please don't be too hard on you. It's not lame at all to look for help. Unfortunately, this won't take the problem away, but it will reduce your anxiety.

    Take care. :)

  3. I think it must be a hard thing to put up a brave front like you do, but I bet your wife would like you to lean on her a little bit.

    I'd say you deserve it.

  4. I hope you do not stop blogging, please. That gives you some joy right?

  5. +Kristine,
    You're right. It IS shameful. :)

    I know the time will come when I will have to have help, but I'm too prideful to rush it.

    It's true, she offers to help, but I know the time will come that she may feel over burdened, so I'm just trying to push that timeline out as far as I can.

    +Mr. C,
    I don't plan to stop blogging. Thanks for the encouragement. I do find an outlet here, but it is more release than joy. Kind of like when you need to pee real bad and finally you get to. :)

  6. Tomato worms are gross.

    I remember one especially huge one from when I was a kid. It was outside of my front door, and it was a monster. I mean, I figured it would square off against Godzilla at any moment.

    I can still remember the icy chill fingers of death that tingled at my spine while I picked it up--all wriggly and bloated--with a stick and flung it out into the street.

    A passing car took care of the rest. Just to let you know, big green worms leave big green splotches.

    Keep up the good fight, man. Bravery is not always standing up to face the dragon; bravery is admitting that you're scared to fight the dragon.

  7. +mjenks,
    Yes, they DO leave big green splotches!

    I'm fighting a very sneaky invisible dragon. Some nights I go to sleep hoping to wake up whole again. Then I wake up. The upside.....I sleep good. :)

  8. hello mr cortico

    i would like to say something comforting, but what can i say ?

    when it comes to great pain and death, we have to face it on our own, i guess

    so i'll just be silent with you

    thanks for your blog

    very sympathetically yours


  9. +Bamram,
    I have visited your blog and while it appears to be fascinating....Mon Français est terrible.

    Thanks for "following" mine.

  10. Thanks for continuing to come by and visit and comment on my blog. I just read your story and am sorry for what you're going through. I appreciate you sharing on your blog. I signed up as a follower and will put you on my blog roll.

  11. +P.T.(or should I call you Ms. Tart),
    Thanks for following and thanks for the kind words. Actually having readers tends to encourage me to write.


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