Guilt, by definition, requires the act of doing something wrong. "Feeling guilty" is suppose to be a feeling about the commission of a wrong. I feel overwhelmed with guilt for letting people down.
Meeting the expectations of others, or my perceived version of their expectations, has been a driving influence in my life. Whether it was parents, employers, lovers, wife, or children, I worked hard at being who they wanted me to be. I believe we all do that to some extent.
As my physical abilities deteriorate, I find I lack the ability to meet what I think others expect of me. The buddy that wants to play golf, the son that needs help working on his car, hell, even the UPS driver that wants a signature are all instant reminders that I can no longer do what people expect.
My wife cuts my food for me now. It is humiliating.
She cried the other night from the weight of many burdens. I am one of them and I feel guilty about it. I wanted so badly to tell her everything was going to be okay, but they won't.
She is trying so hard to be Superwoman (and doing a great job except for the flying) but she has an impossible task. She can not heal me. I feel guilty about that too.
I ran cross country and track through high school and into my 30's. I loved to run and I was good. I won a LOT of races. What drove me was not that I loved to win, but that I HATED TO LOSE. Winning was not joyful to me, it was a relief from fear of failure. I've carried that my whole life.
Now I face the ultimate failure. The inability to take care of myself.