Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Ceaseless Surf.........

There was a time when I wondered what chronic pain felt like. I imagined that it was something you could simply tough out and get accustomed to. My years of long distance running and cycling taught me that as I trained through the pain of workouts I became better able to endure the pain.

This is different. My physical pain is ceaseless. It is worse at times and there are moments where it seems to slowly recede only to wash over me moments later.

If you've ever stood in the surf at the edge of the waterline of any ocean you'll know what I mean. The water runs away from your feet then gathers itself for another assault at the sand beneath your toes. Each unremitting surge weakening your stance as you sink into the sand.

My pain is the water. It is bearable yet indefatigable. As the sand washes away so does my resolve.

I believe I can endure the pain but I fear my determination is being swept away by the inexhaustible, ceaseless efforts of the gentle waves.



  1. Bob,
    What is hurting? I'm curious, because I'm wondering if my mom was in physical pain. She would have bouts of pain, but not unceasing pain (I don't think). Do you have a pain mgt plan?
    I think I can relate to the waves analogy -- labor pains with kids.
    Hang in there -- you are loved by many.

  2. Anne,
    It's difficult to describe. The muscular tension leads to an "almost-cramp." I can focus my mind on relaxing a specific muscle group and there is short term relief. I still work and drive and can't spend all my waking ours trying to relax.

    The illness appears to be different with each individual. From what you've shared with me I doubt your Mother was in pain. Rest easy.

  3. " Each unremitting surge weakening your stance as you sink into the sand."

    Now that.... is a truly great line.

  4. Jimmy-
    I like it even more now that you do.

  5. Hi Bob,
    Just realized that you visited my blog - wrong post to land on..*blushes* to tell you the truth if you had landed two posts ago, that wasn't good either.. but that's life - full of highs and lows.. I found your blog through Steam Me Up Kid and I knew I wanted to stay as soon I got here...been reading some of your posts just to catch up.. hope you don't mind me sticking around.

  6. Miss OT,
    I found your blog the same way and I also read through some of your earlier posts. Thanks for visiting. I hope you'll continue to hang around. I think my condition may, in a weird way, give you some insight on your own situation. Namely, life is short. Have fun!

  7. Here's an easy experiment. Would you help me out for a week? Eat a Mounds candy bar every morning, and another every evening for a week. Tell me if it makes you feel better.

    The coconut in the Mounds bars contain a fatty acid called "caprylic" acid that should be able to fuel your starving brain cells. The other fatty acids, capric and lauric might be able to do the same, but last longer.

    Really, I do love Mounds bars.

  8. Mounds Lover,
    I love me a Mounds bar every now and then but two a day would equal the total recommended fat grams. But I will give it a try for a week.

  9. Hey Bob, your post makes me sad for you and for Kel. Although he has never complained of any pain, i look sometimes when he doesn't realize i am watching for signs, clues that things aren't right, i see his right hand more clenched, not relaxed. He doesn't trust his right hand to do much. Where do you feel the pain, the shoulder, the arm the hand??
    Headed to Iowa for thanksgiving, THe picture of the eyes is haunting, are they your eyes? They are deep, soulful, sad. Karla

  10. I am sadden to read that you are dying, but on the plus side, there will be less crap blogs. So, every cloud has a silver lining.

  11. Karla,
    My pain is two-fold. My right shoulder that I damaged in a bicycle crash has worsened and I would not be able to the rehab if I did have surgery. The constant muscular tension (clinching) aggravates my right leg and arm. It's not unbearable, it's just so unrelenting.

    Yes, those are my eyes. Sorry.

  12. Mr. Crap,
    Amazing! A troll with a website.

    I was honored until I visited your blog and realized English was obviously not your first language.

    I DO get it however. Very imaginative.

  13. I am including you in my daily prayers, that you could be free from pain.


  14. Secretia,
    Thanks! I would recommend that you buy stock in Wyeth (makers of Advil). :)

  15. Dear CW... Great entry! :)
    Dittos to what JB and Secretia said, and what YOU said to CRAP!! I can't imagine such an imbecile even attempting to have a 'blog-off' with YOU!! GO CW GO!!! Guess his name CRAP says it all!!
    I hope you and your family have a good Thanksgiving... that you can relax enough for your brain to remind you of ALL your blessings! Enjoy them all! :)

  16. TnQrus,
    Thanks, I was kinda hoping Mr. Crap was not a fraud and we were going to have some fun with verbiage, but alas. :(


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