I don't attend church except for the times I am guaranteed to hear her sing. If and when God speaks to me, he sounds like her.
I had a tinge of dread about going this year. Too many buttons and too many people that know my secret. It may be my imagination but it seems that people that know of my illness look at me as if they are measuring the changes since they last laid eyes on me. It is a very uncomfortable feeling.
As I dressed, my tension built as I neared the moment of truth (the cuff buttons on my left shirt sleeve). I struggled to align the ivory button with the seemingly tiny hole. It was impossible and I decided to quit for a bit to calm my nerves and push away the demons of unwelcome introspection. I decided to tie my tie and return to the button in a bit.
I usually tie a Double Windsor knot and I proceeded to measure the ends as my brightly colored Christmas tie hung about my neck. I flipped the larger tie face around the narrower tail and looped it over and then froze. I began again, this time facing myself in the mirror. Again I flipped and looped and froze. I COULDN'T REMEMBER HOW TO TIE THE KNOT.It seemed as if the images of how to perform the task existed in my brain but could not travel to my hands.
After several failed attempts I managed to complete a Half Windsor and quit. I then angrily managed to button my offending cuff.
I went to church and tearfully stood beside my Mother and sang perhaps our final Christmas carols together.
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I am concerned about the "tie incident." While I still seem to be able to recall and perform intellectual tasks, I seem to have trouble being creative. It as if there is a fog over my imagination. Even this blog post seems lacking.
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Superwoman's Christmas Table (taken with my Blackberry)
Merry Christmas
Superwoman's Christmas Table (taken with my Blackberry)Merry Christmas
I too am fond of a double windsor.
ReplyDeleteIll try to lighten the mood a bit...
When I first went into sales, the company I worked for would pretty much hire anyone. This farmboy started a little bit after me and apparently never had to wear a tie before, and came in with it tied like you would tie your shoe laces!
Happy Christmas to you, and I'm glad that Superwoman's wonderful voice was the highlight of that day. Sorry about the tie incident.
ReplyDeleteYou are luck to be living with god as your wife.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you too.
Secretia
Dear CorticoWhat: Your posting was appreciated by one who can relate. When things slip from us such as how to do things or memories of occurrences that took place a few hours before, we are reasonably shook up and stunned. I appreciate the honesty. I so remember the moments in church when you realize there is so much involved in sitting there and looking toward the front. Both are difficult for me to accomplish, without unwanted movements and my eyes going crossed. Two pastors-- now that is a trip! Thanks for being there and writing. Dan
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas. Sorry to hear about the tie incident. Maybe that just means your tie wearing days are over. Not so bad a thought.
ReplyDeleteMr. C,
ReplyDeleteI learned the knot from a diagram in a World Book encyclopedia. A loooong time ago.
Leni,
You should hear her!
Secretia,
She constantly strives for perfection, but I don't think immortality is within her grasp. :)
Dan,
I think I'll switch to turtlenecks.
Peachie,
I agree to the no-tie solution. Happy New Year!