Wednesday, May 19, 2010

It's Lonely In Here.......

As my CBGD progresses, my body feels more like a shell than part of me. A shell in which I am trapped. The part of me that is my conscious self seems to be shrinking inside it, like the Easter egg that was not found. Eventually the inside hardens until, when shaken, the egg just rattles with the death inside.

It is so, so lonely in here.



  1. Easy for me to say, because I am not there yet...and at the risk of seeming to be a platitude, please know, Bob...we will all be there. I am sorry for the loneliness, I can only imagine.

  2. I wish I had something wise and uplifting to say. I only know how pissed I get sometimes when my body betrays me due to MS. It's as if it's being controlled by someone else or that the batteries in the remote are dead. But no one can truly understand another's life. We are all alone and together in this. I send you good, healing vibes. Gold, white light.

  3. ...I too... am sorry for the pain of loneliness you are feeling..!!!..your description is so sharp, it can cut...

  4. jadedj,
    Thanks for sympathizing.

    The remote analogy is apropos, except my remote works but the buttons keep changing functions.

    Some days are not as bad.

  5. I am very sorry for these feelings. Orson Welles said once:

    "We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone."

    That is what makes the difference.

  6. Leni,
    Orson also said, "If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends." He was right! :)

  7. Don't say things like that, don't you know I'm pregnant? You can't make me cry at work!?

    On a less selfish note, I wish no one had to go through anything like what you're going through. Life is, indeed, unfair, just like my mother always reminds me.

  8. Oh Bob, i literally feel your pain. When kel breaks down and tells me he is scared, my heart just breaks, like when you say you feel so lonely, my heart just breaks. I tell kel, I will be with him every step , i will never leave him as I am sure Superwoman tells you, that she will always be there for you. You are NOT alone, many are with you. Take one day at a time. karla

  9. Penny,
    LOL. I'll try to me more careful in view of your "condition."

    Kel may be a better man than me. I try to hide or intellectualize my fears and the result is an emotional numbness.

    I was watching "Family Guy" a couple of days ago and a joke struck me so funny that I laughed aloud. A full laugh, that I was startled to hear. I don't remember when I had last laughed lustily.

  10. I wish I could say something to you to make you feel better.. thinking of you and sending you lots and lots of positive vibes.

  11. For one 'cracked egg'...

    "Surely I will be with you always to the very end of time." Matthew 28:20


    "A WIFE is the one that knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words!"

    Loneliness is a horrible, horrible FEELING... not an EVENT! Keep fighting CW... keep fighting!!


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