Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Windmills of my Mind.....

Sadly, it has been over two months since my last post. In that time my mind has stumbled and tripped over at least a hundred different subjects, thoughts, or sentences that I imagined would be good blog material. Obviously none developed into a blog post. Such is my state of mind.

For the longest time after my diagnosis I clung to a raft of denial. While the ravages of this disease (syndrome, malady, etc....) are more akin to a large, slow-moving river than a rushing torrent, it is, nevertheless, slowly eroding away the banks on which my facilities reside. It was foolish of me to deny that the erosion of my motor functions, speech deterioration, and social withdrawal would inevitably lead to my diminished ability to think........even to feel.

The ironic reality of the degeneration of my brain's ability to generate the signals necessary to produce the coordinated movements necessary to tie a shoe is that it also saps my mind's abilities to create a story in which there is a beginning, a middle, and an end. I can seemingly exist in real time. That is, I am conscious of things around me and am self aware. I can also carry on a conversation about things in the now. I can even plan to do things in the near term, like pick up a few things at the store. The future beyond a few months is shrouded in fog.

One of the grandiose things I planned to accomplish after I quit working was to finish editing and cataloging the many many hours of family video tape I had taken over the last 24 years. I, over the course of two years, transfered ALL the VHS tapes to over one hundred DVDs. I then copied all of the DVDs to my hard drive. I bought video editing software and taught myself to use it. I then wrote a spreadsheet to allow me to catologue and sort the videos by subject, date, location, or by person. The spreadsheet even included "hyperlinked" shortcuts to each video. It is a work of art.

I began editing the videos and filling in the spreadsheet about five months ago. My first video camera was purchased in late 1987. I am now just finishing with the videos from Christmas, 1988. My fear now is that I'll never finish.

The act of watching a video version of a moment from a past life, choosing what moments to cut out to produce a more meaningful video, and then cataloguing the contents in a logical coherent manner has become the windmill to my Don Quixote.


  1. Love and light, you wonderful man

  2. Holy Tamoly!

    First, as someone with a Masters in Library and Information Science, my heart pitter patters at your desire, and excellent results, to classify your collection. I should be so organized with my still photos!

    Second, the video is priceless. Thanks for sharing.


  3. How is your physical symptoms progressing? And mental?
    My dad has CBD

  4. You amaze me. I hope to honk your blogs are being published together.

  5. PENolan,
    Thank you. I need all the L & L I can get!

  6. BiblioteKaren,
    Ha ha! I too will be impressed if I ever finish. Thanks for the encouragement.

    I am sorry to hear about your Dad. CBGD affects us all differently and my experience will be different from you Dad's. If he is like me, the biggest challange (mentally) is that in trying to protect my loved ones I build a sheild around them that has the unintended consequence of leaving myself alone. Laughter truly IS the best nedicine.

    I am not actively publishing but I think my wife is still secretly printing my posts. lol

    Thanks for continuing to hang in there for me.

  7. Shhhhh, I won't tell that secret. But tell your wife, good on her!

  8. Nice legs is right on! I am assuming that was Super Woman. She obviously knows her stuff!

  9. Singletrack,
    It was the shorts (and the bike).

    PS - I've missed you.

  10. Hey, where are you? I'm in withdrawal.

  11. Hey you, that was a great blog...i have been absent for awhile. Kel also has tried 2 yrs a go to convert all our vHS to dvd,, we too have hundred's, as of course we taped both kids sports eventgs, all holidays, etc...our entire lives are on video and he bought all the software etc.... sadly he cannot do it anymore, he rarely ever turns on his computer anymore. And i am finding some of the DVD's are not mislabeled , and don't work but oh well.. hey are you still able to drive? you always sound good on FB, and i so enjoy your video's. Trying to figure out some things for Kel during the day to do, the list is becoming shorter and shorter, ideas?? How is your myoclonus?? is it still on one side or spreading to the other? We will go to MAYO in March again , compare MRI's, and go thru testing. YOU and Gayle have a wonderful holiday. Think of you so often .Karla

  12. Eagerly awaiting your next post.
    Happy Solstice Season to you!

  13. Every day I come to see if there is any news from you. I wonder how you are and send you comforting light.

  14. do nt talk to u much now.i did but u never answered me.my sister is getting worse tho her past memory is fine.kinda given up.its to painfull.dont know what to do


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