Saturday, June 20, 2009

Anger Management......?

A few months ago I wrote about grief and how it pertained to my condition. At the time I had not reached the level where I could express or even feel anger about my illness. I'm afraid that is changing.

In my frustration of not being able to do things that were simple tasks six months ago I feel increasingly bitter. I've ALWAYS been a person that internalized emotions. From experience, I know this is not a train without stops. Sooner or later something has to give.

Anger can only be directed inward for a short time before it starts looking for outlets. It usually reaches out to those closest to you. My dog will forgive me faster than my wife, so Lucky may have a rough go of it. :)

Seriously, despite my efforts to think positively, sometimes it becomes too much. Basic psychology teaches that how we define our biological condition controls how we react to situations. Our body responds similarly to extreme joy that it does to intense anger. Our reactions to the biologic conditions define us. I fear that my end days will define me as a bitter, angry man. How can I short circuit the process? How can I skip over anger and jump to resignation and peace?

I have not found the answers, but I'm searching for them. In the meantime.......I'm pissed!


  1. I do not know the answer to the short circuit to process of anger.

    Would it help to type out your anger on the computer instead of diverting it inwards? I feel its kinder to yourself that way. I believe we could only let off that much steam at a time. Besides, your readers have their choices whether or not to read on.

    I won't remember you as a bitter angry man for sure. In fact, I see another side of life from your self reflection.

    P.S. Beautiful sunflowers you got there in the garden.

  2. Maybe thinking positively is becoming too hard to do it on your own. Have you thought of looking for some psycologic support to reduce anxiety and anger? It's just a suggestion, maybe it would help.

    Writing and blogging helps me control my anger and emotions sometimes, letting many things out of my chest.

    But I really think you need something stronger than that.

    Take care.

  3. C.O.,
    I worked in my yard, all day, in 98 degree heat....I was too whipped to be angry. So I ate ice cream. Maybe I've found a formula that works.

    I've thought about seeing a professional but it seems so lame. I should be able to handle this in light of the fact that I have more to be thankful for than bitter about.

  4. Soemtimes... I think it helps to just know someone understands. I undderstand. I hope that helps.

  5. I obviously have a lesion that effects my ability to spell...

  6. Your whipping up an ice cream formula just sent over a big smile. Everyone has their ups and downs, me inclusive. I read the followıng from Shimada Yoshichi (a Japanese comedian), in his biography where his grandma said "Our abilities are the combination of all aspects of what we could do. Not whether we are good in Maths, Language or a particular skill." I think she is so right.
    When I get angry, I have to remind myself it won't change a thing but make things worse.

  7. hey what camera/lenses do you use!? Thanks for commenting on my blog today btw.

    Oh and maybe try buddhism? Im serious on that.

  8. S.M., I know you do. Perhaps I'll blog about my MS connection someday.

    I have a Sony DSCF 707 Camera w/ Carl Zeis lens. I've had it for years.

    Thanks for the Buddhism suggestion. I've often thought about that approach. I'm reading a book along that line now. I'll keep you posted.

    Thanks for following...I'm humbled. You set a high bar!


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