It has been a tough week.
I was a Psych major in college and I tend to see things through those psych-colored glasses. I've been feeling kind of bummed out for weeks and talked to my doctor about it. I feared that I was slipping into depression. After some self analysis, I believe I'm going through a normal grieving pattern. More specifically "Anticipatory Grief."
Anticipatory grief is, "grief that begins before (in anticipation of) the loss, such as the initiation of divorce proceedings or when a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness." Only this time the loved one is ME and I'm not just mourning the loss of life but the loss of quality of life.
Grief and mourning is supposed to be healthy and normal. Humans survive the grieving process though there is almost no way to do so without completing all the steps. Denial (been there), Anger (can't seem to find this one yet), Despair (can't shake this one), and finally Acceptance of the loss. I haven't been able to wrap my brain around how to get to accepting the loss. It makes no sense!
I have tried to keep this blog upbeat but honest. Today it was hard to be both.....Sorry!