Monday, May 18, 2009

The Alien is a Woman...

Warning: This post will probably fail the "Politically Correct Test."

One of the more common symptoms of my illness is "Alien Limb Syndrome." While some of the literature describes arms that totally do their own thing, mine is not at that point yet. Mine just seems to have a personality of it's own, and in my humble opinion, it is female.

A court of law would not recognize me as an expert in the field of female identification, however, I have been around women since before I was born and I have never mistaken a man for a woman. EVER! (And that includes some rather difficult to remember nights in Hong Kong, Las Vegas, and Honolulu).

I base the gender identification of my offending limb on the following factors:

  • There are times that no matter how beneficial to my well being performing a task might be, my arm and hand (further referred to as SHE) may stubbornly refuse to cooperate.
  • Some days SHE is in a better mood than other days.
  • Too much caffeine makes HER irritable and may give her the shakes.
  • Logic has no affect on HER at all.
  • SHE has difficulty with cellphones while driving.
  • Getting dressed always takes HER longer.
  • SHE's easier to manage after a glass of wine or two. (It's for her not me).
So there. Irrefutable proof. It sort of gives new meaning to "getting in touch with your feminine side."


  1. Hehehe, you made me smile, wise funny man!
    As a woman, I won't take offence because I recognize all these factors pretty well (*laughs*)

  2. I really think your sense of humor will get you through so much. My mom is losing her left hand now and laughs about the stuff that happens. We all laugh until we cry with her b/c sometimes it's just funny. Yesterday, she was eating oatmeal, and told her helper "I don't want anymore oatmeal." The hand didn't listen, and grabbed a spoonful of oatmeal and shoved it in my mom's mouth. Her helper laughed so hard, and my mom laughed till she cried. It was funny. I really think my mom's joy of life is what keeps her going through the good (there's a lot of that) and the bad.


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